A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, ‘Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?’
He says, ‘Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.’
She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, ‘That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It’s a good all around combination and it’s on sale this week for only $20.00.
She says, ‘It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it!’ As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
‘Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,’ he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, ‘That’ll be $34..50 please.’
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, ‘Didn’t you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?’
He replies, ‘Yes, Ma’am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50
A Newfoundlander is sitting at a bar in New York City and looks at his watch several
Times in the space of a few minutes.
The woman sitting nearby notices this and asks,
‘Is your date running late?’
‘No,’ he replies, ‘I have this state-of-the-art watch.
I was just testing it.’
The intrigued woman says,
‘A state-of-the-art watch?
What’s so special about it?’
The Newfy explains,
‘It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.’
The lady says, ‘What’s it telling you now?’
‘Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.’
The woman giggles and replies,
‘Well, it must be broken because I am wearing panties!’
The Newfy smirks, taps his watch and says,
‘Bloody thing’s running about an hour fast. Can I buy you a drink?
Thingy.
Female: Any part under a cars hood.
His: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.
Vulnerable
Female: Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to an other.
His: Playing football without a cup.
Communication
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
His: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
Commitment
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
His: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
Entertainment
Female: A good movie,concert,play or book.
His: Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
Flatulence
Female: An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
His: A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
Making love
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
His: Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
Remote control
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
His: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her outer labia are much too large. She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she’s embarrassed and doesn’t want anyone to find out. The doctor agrees.
She wakes up from her operation and finds three roses carefully placed beside her bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor and says: “I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!”
“Don’t worry,” he says: “I didn’t tell anybody. The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through this all by yourself. The second one is from the nurse. She assisted me with the operation, and she had the operation done herself.”
“Who is the third rose from?” she asks.
“Oh,” says the doctor: “that rose is from the guy upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears!”
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said: “I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does.”
Joanne giggled and confessed: “I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft.”
Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked: “Well, what do you call your boyfriend?”
Kathy frowned and said: “The postman.”
“Why the postman?” asked Joanne.
“Because, he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box.”
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