As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step .

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, ‘How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!’

The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, ‘Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?’

He says, ‘Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.’

She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, ‘That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It’s a good all around combination and it’s on sale this week for only $20.00.

She says, ‘It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it!’ As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

‘Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,’ he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, ‘That’ll be $34..50 please.’

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, ‘Didn’t you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?’

He replies, ‘Yes, Ma’am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50

A Newfoundlander is sitting at a bar in New York City and looks at his watch several
Times in the space of a few minutes.
The woman sitting nearby notices this and asks,
‘Is your date running late?’
‘No,’ he replies, ‘I have this state-of-the-art watch.
I was just testing it.’
The intrigued woman says,
‘A state-of-the-art watch?
What’s so special about it?’
The Newfy explains,
‘It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.’
The lady says, ‘What’s it telling you now?’
‘Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.’
The woman giggles and replies,
‘Well, it must be broken because I am wearing panties!’
The Newfy smirks, taps his watch and says,
‘Bloody thing’s running about an hour fast. Can I buy you a drink?

Thingy.

Female: Any part under a cars hood.

His: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

Vulnerable

Female: Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to an other.

His: Playing football without a cup.

Communication

Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.

His: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

Commitment

Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.

His: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

Entertainment

Female: A good movie,concert,play or book.

His: Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

Flatulence

Female: An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.

His: A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

Making love

Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.

His: Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

Remote control

Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.

His: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her outer labia are much too large. She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she’s embarrassed and doesn’t want anyone to find out. The doctor agrees.

She wakes up from her operation and finds three roses carefully placed beside her bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor and says: “I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!”

“Don’t worry,” he says: “I didn’t tell anybody. The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through this all by yourself. The second one is from the nurse. She assisted me with the operation, and she had the operation done herself.”

“Who is the third rose from?” she asks.

“Oh,” says the doctor: “that rose is from the guy upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears!”