What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
Fasten your sheet belt.

What is a witch with poison ivy called?
An itchy witchy.

Who does a ghoul fall in love with?
His ghoul friend.

Where do vampires live?
In the Vampire State Building.

Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
The whatwolves and the whenwolves.

What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish’s brain in the body of his dog?
I don’t know, but it is great at chasing submarines.

What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A blood hound.

Why are black cats such good singers?
They’re very mewsical.

What’s a cold, evil candle called?
The wicked wick of the north.

What kind of hot dogs do werewolves like best?
Hallowieners.

Where do little ghosts learn to yell “BOO!”?
In noisery school.

What does a goblin shop for?
Grosseries.

How can you tell when windows are scared?
They get shudders.

What do you call serious rocks?
Grave stones.

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What’s That Smell?

Maxine took her car to her mechanic.

She told him, ‘Every time I Take any of my friends out in my car, After a while there is this terrible smell!! It never happens when I am driving alone’??

This intrigued the mechanic, so he said, ‘OK, lets go for a spin and see what the problem is.’ Off they went.

She drove down a one-way street in the wrong direction at 70 MPH, swerving, Hitting the curb on both sides of the street, Narrowly missed three pedestrians in Pedestrian crossings, Ran several red lights, And just missed a Policeman on street traffic duty. Then, they returned to the shop, and she said,
‘There it is now… there’s that terrible smell! Can you smell it?’

‘Smell it? Lady, I’m sittin’ in it!!’

*Ontario Driver’s Handbook* (Applies to many other Provinces and States)

For anyone who has commuted or even just driven on the 401 through Toronto,
the 2008 version of the Ontario Driver’s Handbook has been rewritten to
include the following guidance:

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident Ontario driver
avoids using them.

2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and
the car in front of you; the space will just be filled in by somebody else,
putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less of a chance you have
of getting hit.

4. Warning! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No-one expects it
and it will result in you being rear-ended.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork,
especially
with P.Q. or *Maritime plates*. With no fault insurance, the other operator
has nothing to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your
ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous foot massage as the brake pedal violently
pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it’s a chance to strengthen your leg
muscles.

7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It’s a good way to
prepare other drivers entering the highway.

8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; they are given only as a suggestion
and are not enforceable in Ontario during rush hour, especially in the G.T.A
..

9. Just because you’re in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move
over doesn’t mean that an Ontario driver flashing his high beams behind you
doesn’t think he can go faster in your spot.

10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even
someone changing
a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signalling. Ontario is the home
of high-speed
slalom-driving, thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts
pot-holes in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and keep them alert.

12. It is tradition in Ontario to honk your horn at cars in front of you that
do not move within three milliseconds of the light turning green.

13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or roll-over, it is important
to exit your vehicle through the windshield right away. Wearing your seat
belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.

14. Remember that the goal of every Ontario driver is to get ahead of the
pack by whatever means necessary.

*THANK YOU
The Ontario Registrar of Motor Vehicles*

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