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This blog makes me no money so I had to cut back on my new cubicle. What do you think?

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1. Remove the jug from the water cooler and drink from it periodically, bragging that you “got the last one.”

2. Photocopy things around the office, such as lamps, potted plants, staplers, etc. If someone asks about it, just say “You never can be too careful.”

3. Turn your radio up full blast and sing along loudly with the song. Invite others to join you.

4. Pretend to be hypnotized by someone’s screen saver.

5. Go into someone’s office, grab a book from their shelves, and begin reading it aloud to them. If they interrupt, give them an evil look.

6. Give a secretary a copy of Hamlet and ask them to proofread it.

7. Use a hole punch to punch holes in all your outgoing mail. Explain that the holes “make it more aerodynamic”.

8. Bring a lawnmower into the office and pretend to mow the carpet.

9. Bring a TV remote control to the office and try to change the channel on people’s computers. When it doesn’t work, mumble something about “cheap Japanese crap”.

10. Pull a chair up to your window and pretend to be working at a drive-through.

11. Stand at the washroom door carrying a baseball bat and ask everyone in a low voice if they washed their hands.

12. Gnaw on your mouse, make cat noises, and lick your hands from time to time.

13. Walk into people’s offices, taking a careful look around. Talk into your shirt, saying “No sign of him yet, Chief”.

14. When the phone rings, answer by saying “KBBL, you’re on the air”.

15. Proudly show everyone your calculator and hand out cigars. Tell them your computer just had a baby.

16. Paint your face blue and start searching around in people’s desk drawers. Ask them if they’ve seen your pills.

17. Create a document that is entirely black and print hundreds of copies. Use the print-outs as wallpaper for your office.

18. Build a fire pit out of cinder blocks in the staff room. Place a stack of firewood in the corner, along with matches, lighter fluid, hot dogs, and marshmallows.

19. Place a row of liquor bottles on your desk, and a sign on your door which reads “NO COVER!” Announce loudly that it’s happy hour.

20. Get in the elevator and pretend to hold the door open for invisible people.

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