Dear Tech Support,

Last year, I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.1 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What else can I do?
Signed,
Desperate

Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to download Tears 6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good luck,
Tech Suport

At St. Mary’s Catholic Church they have a weekly husbands marriage seminar. At the session last week the priest asked Giuseppe, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, ‘Wella, I’ve a-tried to treat-a her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of alla is, I tooka her to Roma for the 25th anniversary!’

The priest responded, ‘Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here!
Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?’

Giuseppe proudly replied, ‘I’m agonna go get her.’

A man phones home from his office and says to his wife: “I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment and especially my blue silk pajamas. I’ll be home in an hour to pick them up.”

The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and then hurries off.

A week later, the man returns and his wife asks: “Did you have a good trip, dear?”

The man replies: “Yep, the fishing was great… but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas.”

His wife smiles and says: “Oh, no I didn’t… I put them in your tackle box!”

Joe was teeing off from the men’s’ tee. On his downswing, he realized that his wife, Wendy, was teeing up on the woman’s tee directly in front of him. Unable to stop his swing, he nailed it, and hit her directly in the temple, killing her instantly.

A few days later, Joe got a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy: “Joe, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force trauma to the head,” the coroner said. “You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that correct?”

“Yes, sir, that’s correct,” Joe said.

“Joe, I also found a golf ball wedged up her butt,” the coroner said.

“Was it a Titleist 3?” Joe asked.

“Yes, it was,” the coroner replied.

“That was my mulligan.”