A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.

He approached a uniformed policeman and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”

“The cop asked, “What’s he like?”

The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,

“Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits.”

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed His grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking Chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from The waist down.

“Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in The wind for everyone to see!” he exclaimed. The
Old man looked off in the distance without answering.

“Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with Nothing on below the waist?” he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, “Well….last week I sat out here with no shirt on, And I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma’s Idea

I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling…

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, ‘He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.’

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

‘Oh no, my dear,’ replied granny. ‘Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even…Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.’

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, ‘He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.’

There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table. Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa’s drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the bathroom.

When he returned, however, his trousers were wet all over.

‘What happened, Grandpa?’, he was asked by his concerned children.

‘Well,’ he answered, ‘I don’t really know. I had to go to the bathroom. So I took it out and started to pee, but then I saw that it wasn’t mine, so I put it back!’