Should a Child Witness Childbirth?

Filed Under (Random Fish) by Fish on 21-05-2010
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (2 votes, average: 1.00 out of 5)

Here’s your answer.

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a
flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his
little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr
old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, ‘He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place……..spank him again!’

Bless The Newfie

Filed Under (Random Fish) by Fish on 11-05-2010
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

A Newfie calls up his lawyer and asks. “Wit all dem lawsuits Going on I’m feelin’ kinda left out. How do I get in on some of dat Action? I hears that people are suing the cigarette companies ’cause they Got cancer and others are suing the Big Mac company cause they got themselves fat and all kinds of stuff”!! His lawyer asks “And which one of those categories do You fit under?” The dear ole Newfie God bless his soul
Answers. Neider b’y, I just wanna know if I can sue Molson’s for all them ugly women I woke up wit…

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Newfie Scuba Diver

Filed Under (Random Fish) by Fish on 03-05-2010
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (3 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)

An American tourist asks a Newfoundlander:
“Why do Scuba divers always fall
backwards off their boats?”
To which the Newfoundlander replies:
“If they fell forwards they’d still be in the f’in boat”

Pope Caught for Speeding

Filed Under (Random Fish) by Fish on 02-04-2010
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (12 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)

After getting all of Pope Benedict’s luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

‘Excuse me, Your Holiness,’ says the driver, ‘Would you please take your seat so we can leave?’

‘Well, to tell you the truth,’ says the Pope, ‘they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I’d really like to drive today.’

‘I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job!
What if something should happen?’ protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning..

‘Who’s going to tell?’ says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)

‘Please slow down, Your Holiness!’ pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

‘Oh, dear God, I’m going to lose my license — and my job!’ moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

‘I need to talk to the Chief,’ he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going 205 kph..

‘So bust him,’ says the Chief.

‘I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,’ said the cop. The Chief exclaimed,’ All the more reason!’

‘No, I mean really important,’ said the cop with a bit of persistence. The Chief then asked, ‘Who do you have there, the mayor?’

Cop: ‘Bigger.’

Chief: ‘ A senator?’

Cop: ‘Bigger.’

Chief: ‘The Prime Minister?’

Cop: ‘Bigger.’

‘Well,’ said the Chief, ‘who is it?’

Cop: ‘I think it’s God!’

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, ‘What makes you think it’s God?’

Cop: ‘His chauffeur is the Pope!’

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SUV for my Birthday?

Filed Under (Wittyisms) by Fish on 29-03-2010
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (5 votes, average: 2.60 out of 5)

Two old guys talking.

One said to the other: “My 85th birthday yesterday. Wife gave me an SUV”.

Other guy: “Wow, that’s amazing! Imagine, an SUV! What a great gift!”

First guy: “Yup. Socks, Underwear and Viagra!”

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