A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay , Jamaica .

Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, ‘What a peaceful & loving couple’

The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

The Husband replied: ‘Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America ,’ explained the man.

‘We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona , and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s horse stumbled and she almost fell off.

My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, ‘That’s once.’

We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, ‘That’s twice.’

We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I SHOUTED at her, ‘What’s wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you *%&#@$ crazy!?’

She looked at ME, and quietly said, ‘That’s once.’

And from that moment….. we have lived happily ever after.’

Two old guys talking.

One said to the other: “My 85th birthday yesterday. Wife gave me an SUV”.

Other guy: “Wow, that’s amazing! Imagine, an SUV! What a great gift!”

First guy: “Yup. Socks, Underwear and Viagra!”

A man and his wife walked into a dentist’s office.

The man said to the dentist, ‘Doc, I’m in one hell of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it.

We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it’s 9:30 already. I don’t have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!’

The dentist thought to himself, ‘My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.’

So the dentist asks him, ‘Which tooth is it sir?

The man turned to his wife and said,
‘Open your mouth, Honey, and show him.’

Dear Tech Support,

Last year, I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.1 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What else can I do?
Signed,
Desperate

Dear Desperate,

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to download Tears 6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good luck,
Tech Suport