Two old guys talking.

One said to the other: “My 85th birthday yesterday. Wife gave me an SUV”.

Other guy: “Wow, that’s amazing! Imagine, an SUV! What a great gift!”

First guy: “Yup. Socks, Underwear and Viagra!”

An older man goes to the doctor asking for a prescription for Viagra and requests the largest dose possible. The doctor asks why he needs so much and the man explains that two young nymphomaniacs are spending a week at his place. The doctor nods and fills the prescription.

Later that week, the same man goes back to the doctor asking for pain killers. The doctor asks: “Why? Is your penis in that much pain?”

“No,” the man responds. “It’s for my wrists - the girls never showed up!”

A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out-do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had enough.

‘Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,’ he said. ‘I’ll bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won’t be able to wheel back.’

‘You’re on, old man,’ the braggart replied. ‘Let’s see you do it.’

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, ‘All right, Dumbass …….. get in.’

Never mess with an old man!

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.

‘Excuse me; I can’t seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?’

The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ‘Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?’

‘I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, she appears out of nowhere.’

An old man went to the mall to do some shopping, when he decided to grab a bite to eat at the food court. Sitting next to him was a teenager with spiked hair in all different colours: green, blue, red and orange.

With no expression on his face, he continued to stare in amazement at the colourful teenager who was beginning to resent the old man glare.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, ‘What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?’

Without batting an eye, the old man responded: ‘Got stoned once and screwed a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.’