Did you hear about the 83 year old woman who talked herself out of a speeding ticket by telling the young officer that she had to get there before she forgot where she was going?

Makes perfectly good sense to me…..

Wow I didn’t know it was that easy, I’ll have to call my Grandfather over to set my TV up.

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed His grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking Chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from The waist down.

“Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in The wind for everyone to see!” he exclaimed. The
Old man looked off in the distance without answering.

“Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with Nothing on below the waist?” he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, “Well….last week I sat out here with no shirt on, And I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma’s Idea

I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling…

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, ‘He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.’

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

‘Oh no, my dear,’ replied granny. ‘Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even…Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.’

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, ‘He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.’

An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

“You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301 .

There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow, pusha button 301.

I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.

Get in, and with you elbow, pusha 3.

When you get out, I’mma on the left. With you elbow, hit my doorbell.”

“Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?

“What . . . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?”