Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.
Finally the first blonde says “Darn, I can’t get in the car!” The other blond replies, “keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down”.

Q. Did you hear about the blonde that needed gas money?
A. She sold her car for it…

What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A blonde at a flashing red light.

A business man got on an elevator.

The man answered, ”S-H-I-T’ means ‘Sorry, Honey, it’s Thursday’

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America , Kentuckians,

Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as

“HILLBILLIES.”
You must now refer to us as
APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore ….

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a “BABE” or a “CHICK” - She is a “BREASTED AMERICAN.”

2. She is not a “SCREAMER” or a “MOANER” - She is “VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.”

3. She is not “EASY” - She is “HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.”

4. She is not a “DUMB BLONDE” - She is a

“LIGHT- HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.”

5. She has not “BEEN AROUND” - She is a “PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.”

6. She is not an “AIRHEAD” - She is “REALITY IMPAIRED.”

7. She does not get “DRUNK” or “TIPSY” - She gets “CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED”

8. She does not have “BREAST IMPLANTS” - She is “MEDICALLY ENHANCED.”

9. She does not “NAG” you - She becomes “VERBALLY REPETITIVE.”

10. She is not a “TRAMP” - She is “SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.”

11. She does not have “MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS” - She is “PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.”

12 She is not a “TWO-BIT HOOKER” - She is a “LOW COST PROVIDER.” (Loved this one)

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a “BEER GUT” - He has developed a “LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.”

2. He is not a “BAD DANCER”- He is “OVERLY CAUCASIAN.”

3. He does not “GET LOST ALL THE TIME” - He “INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.”

4. He is not “BALDING” - He is in “FOLLICLE REGRESSION.”

5. He is not a “CRADLE ROBBER” - He prefers “GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.”

6.. He does not get “FALLING-DOWN DRUNK” - He becomes “ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.”

7. He does not act like a “TOTAL ASS” - He develops a case of “RECTAL- CRANIAL INVERSION.”

8 He is not a “MALE CHAUVINIST PIG” - He has “SWINE EMPATHY.”

9. He is not afraid of “COMMITMENT” - He is “RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED.”

10. He is not “HORNY” - He is “SEXUALLY FOCUSED.”

11. It’s not his “CRACK” you see hanging out of his pants - It’s “REAR CLEAVAGE “

Always Turn On Your Emergency Flashers

A blonde’s car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day so she eases it over onto the shoulder of the Road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The life like cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up.
It wasn’t very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What is going on here?”
“My car broke down, Officer” says the woman calmly.
“Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the damn road?!” asks the Officer.
“Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!” she replied.

Hey Lady Nice T-Shirt

A Blonde goes over to her friend’s house wearing a T.G.I.F. Tee-shirt.

“Why are you wearing a Thank God it’s Friday Tee-shirt on Monday?”

“Oh crap!” the blonde says, “I thought it meant Tits Go In Front.”