Bob stood over his tee sot for what seemed an eternity.

He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn’t start his backswing. Finally his exasperated partner asked, “what the hell is taking so long?”

“My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse,” Bob explained. “I want to make a perfect shot.”

“Good lord!” his companion exlaimed. “You don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of hitting her from here.”

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A married man was visiting his girlfriend one day, when she requested that he shave his beard.

“Oh, James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.”

James replied, “My wife loves this beard, I couldn’t possibly do it. She would kill me!”

“Oh, please?” the girlfriend asked again in a sexy little voice.

“Really, I can’t,” he replied. “My wife loves this beard!”

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighed and finally gave in.

That night, James crawled into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

The wife woke up somewhat, felt his face, and replied “Oh, Michael, you shouldn’t be here. My husband will be home soon!”

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Bill Gates died in an accident involving a misguided pie which was thrown at him by an angry Macintosh protester. Because of his achievements in life, it was decided that he should go to heaven.

God Personally showed Bill around heaven, displaying the Waterfalls, Great Forests, Lagoon’s and Wet-T-shirt contests that are held regularly. Bill was impressed by all of them and kept nodding his head in approval, which pleased God because he enjoyed pleasing others.

When they finished the tour, God took Bill into his Throne room and sat down on the blindingly shiny throne. God asked Bill how he had enjoyed heaven so far, and Bill replied;

“It’s been great, but you’re in my chair.”

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Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Bill told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened.

About 1 hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

“What happened to you”, asked Bill. Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the Cigar and his 19 year old daughter made mad passionate love to me.

“My God, what did you tell them”, asks Clinton. The driver replies, “I’m Bill Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the pig”.

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I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said,’Daddy, look at this’ , and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, ‘Daddy’s gonna eat your fingers,’ pretending to eat them.

I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, ‘What’s wrong, honey?’

She replied, ‘What happened to my booger?’

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