Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Walter and his wife Ann, listened to the instructor declare, ‘It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.’

He addressed the men, ‘Can you name and describe your wife’s favorite flower?’

Walter leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently and whispered, ‘Robin Hood-All-purpose, isn’t it?’

And thus began Walter’s life of celibacy!

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A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside Her, ‘Father, may I ask a favor?’

‘Of course my child. What may I do for you?’

‘Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s Birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid They’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for Me? Under your robes perhaps?’

The priest answered: ‘I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.’

‘With your honest face, Father, no one will question you’

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official Asked, ‘Father, do you have anything to declare?’

‘From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.’
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, ‘And what do you have to Declare from your waist to the floor?’

‘I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which Is, to date, unused.’

Roaring with laughter, the official said, ‘Go ahead, Father.’ NEXT

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A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire her self out as a “Handy woman” and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,” he said. “How much will you charge me?”

The blonde quickly responded, “How about $50?”

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man’s wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, “Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?”

He responded, “That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?” The wife replied, “Is it?”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

“You’re finished already?” the husband asked. “Yes,” the blonde replied, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.”

“And by the way,” the blonde added, “It’s not a Porch …. it’s a Lexus.”

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Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men….that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes…After a few days they meet again…..

The engaged girlfriend said: “The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4″ stilettos and mask. He said, “You are the woman of my life, I love you…then we made love all night long.”

The mistress stated: “Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn’t say a word. We just had wild sex all night.”

The married one then said: “The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother’s for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, “Hey Batman, what’s for dinner?”

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