Ok so this isn’t going to be a really funny post but I am sore from clearing the snow off my driveway plus my neighbors driveways (which I slipped and fell). Apparently this city has no road salt or sand to put down so most of the driveways are skating rinks.

Anyways here is why I hate snow so much and am looking forward to my trip to Europe next week.

My snow bank is about 6 1/2 feet tall and my neighbors is atleast 2 feet taller.

I only have one more thing to say, “WHEN THE HELL IS SPRING COMING??????”

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

No I am not trying to pick you up.

** Warning: Some parts are fairly vulgar.

ARIES
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don’t give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn’t care less. You’re the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding

TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you’re bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.

GEMINI
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply, you’re a neurotic schizophrenic. A real fucking weirdo, the type of person who’d kill them self to win a bet.

CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You’re an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative’s limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.

LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare.

VIRGO
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you’re prone to bullshitting and you’re a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores.

LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don’t bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.

SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You should become a stunt performer with no helmet.

SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic mushy type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. Men even willing to rent Sleepless In Seattle to increase your odds for a romp in the sack.

CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centered cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an altar boy.

AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.

PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You’re a prick.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

Boudreaux & Thibodeaux were fishing one day when Boudreaux pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Thibodeaux for a light.

‘Shure, I got a lighter,’ he replied. Then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
‘Jiminy Cricket!’ exclaimed Boudreaux, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands.
‘Where did yew git dat monster??’

‘Well,’ replied Thibodeaux, ‘I got it from my Genie.’
‘You gots a genie in dat tackle box?’ Boudreaux asked.
‘Yep, I shure got one. It’s right here in my tackle box,’ says Thibodeaux.

‘Could I see him?’

So Thibodeaux opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the genie.

Addressing the genie, Boudreaux says, ‘Hey dere! I’m a good friend of your Master, will yew grant me one wish?’
‘Yes, I will,’ says the genie.

So Boudreaux asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Boudreaux sitting there, waiting for his million bucks.

Shortly, the sky darkens and is soon filled with the sound of a million ducks … flying overhead.

Over the roar of the million ducks Boudreaux yells at Thiboduaux. ‘Jumpin’ Jimminy Crickets! I axed for a million bucks, not a million ducks!’

Thibodeaux answers, ‘Yup, I forgot to tell yew dat genie is hard of hearing. Do yew really tink I axed for a 10-inch Bic?’

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!