Good job guys!

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You should have listened to your mother!

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A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password.. Something he will use to log on.

The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife’s attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in

P…

E..

N..

I…

S…

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

*** PASSWORD REJECTED… NOT LONG ENOUGH!!

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1. You’re not offended by the term “HOMO MILK”.

2. You understand the phrase “Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield.”

3. You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

4. You drink Pop, not Soda.

5. You know that a Mickey and 24’s mean, “party at the camp, eh!!!”

6. You don’t care about the fuss with Cuba. It’s a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.

7. You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

8. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

9. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

10. You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

11. You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

12. You brag to Americans that; Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion & Mike Myers are Canadians.

13. You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!

14. You know what a toque is.

15. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

16. You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced “Zed”.

17. Your local newspaper covers the national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

18. You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road work.

19. You know that when it’s 25 degrees outside, it’s a warm day.

20. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

21. You know how to pronounce and spell “Saskatchewan”.

22. You perk up when you hear the theme song from ‘Hockey Night in Canada’.

23. You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

24. “Eh?” is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite than, “Huh?”

25. You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all of your Canadian friends! (Then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them!)

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I seem to be picking on married life a lot lately… Oh well

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband,although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies .

So, he said to his new wife, ‘Honey, I’ll be right back.’

‘Where are you going, coochy cooh?’ asked the wife.

‘I’m going to the bar, pretty face. I’ m going to have a beer.’

The wife said, ‘You want a beer, my love?’

She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland, Japan, India ,etc.

The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, ‘Yes, lolly pop…but at the bar…you know…they have frozen glasses…’

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying,

‘You want a frozen glass, puppy face?’

She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, ‘Yes, tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious… I won’t be long, I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?’

You want hors d’oeuvres, poochi pooh?’ She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

‘But my sweet honey… At the bar… You know…there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…’

‘You want dirty words, Dickhead? Drink your f***ing beer in your Goddamn frozen mug and eat your motherf***ing snacks, because you are Married now, and you aren’t f***ing going anywhere! Got it, Asshole?’

………and, they lived happily ever after.

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