Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself In the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Mid-Life Crisis

AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, “HONEY, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV. BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 21-YEAR-OLD GAL.

NOW I HAVE A $500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, A NICE BIG BED AND A PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I’M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU’RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.”

MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 21-YEAR-OLD GAL, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.

AREN’T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISIS!

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It should make you feel all warm inside knowing that the clothes you previously wore are now gracing another grateful body!

Remember that cleaning out your closets at least once a year and giving former treasures to Goodwill (or charity of your choice) is a great way to give back to your community and help those who are less fortunate.

So, look through your closets and see if you have something that doesn’t fit or might be a little out of fashion.

Those things will probably fit someone else and could be the height of fashion for them.

With that in mind, I send along this heart-warming photo to inspire you and remind you that your efforts won’t go unnoticed.

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They were together in the House.

Just the two of them, It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump. She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance…and wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her from the storm. Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out… She screamed… He raced to the sofa where she was cowering. He didn’t hesitate to pull her into his arms. He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back.

He was surprised when she didn’t resist but instead clung to him.
The storm raged on…

They knew it was wrong…

Their families would never understand… So consumed were they in their fear, that they heard no opening of doors…just the faint click of a camera……

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Bubba went to a psychiatrist. ‘I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.’
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink.
“Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I’ll sleep on it,” said Bubba.
Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street. “Why didn’t you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?” asked the psychiatrist.
‘Well Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!”
“Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?” said the psychiatrist curtly.
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain’t nobody under there now !!!”

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