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Watch out for these hot Ladies!

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A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

“Are you the manager?” she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

“Actually, no,” he replied.

“Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,” she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

“I’m afraid I can’t,” breathed the bartender. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes. I need for you to give him a message,” she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender’s lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

“What should I tell him?” the bartender managed to say.

“Tell him,” she whispered, “there’s no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room!”

I smell a divorce or a beatin’ coming!

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A husband and wife came for counselling after 15 years of marriage.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years hey had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, Loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she Had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the Therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, Embraced and kissed her passionately.

The woman instantly shut up and quietly sat down as though she was in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week….Can you do this?”

The husband thought for a moment and replied; “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf!

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Guy does a faceplant off a picnic table on a bike.

Guy gets caught on the side of the boat while trying to go snorkeling.

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