Government Job Interview
A guy goes to the Government for a job interview. The interviewer asks him, “Are you a veteran?” The guy says, “Why yes, in fact, I served a tour in Vietnam.

“Good,” says the interviewer, “That counts in favor. Do you have service-related disabilities?”

The guy says, “In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion blew off both my testicles, so they declared me disabled. It doesn’t affect my ability to work, though.”

“Sorry to hear about your injury, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right away! Our working hours are 8 to 4 Come on in about 10, and we can put you right to work.

The guy says, “Well if working hours are 8 to 4 why do want me to come in at 10?”

“Well, here at the government, we just sit around and scratch our nuts for the first two hours. No point of you coming in for that.”

Yard Work Sign Language

A couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to take a shower. Her husband is looking for a rake and can”t find it. He yells up to his wife, but she motions to him from the window like she can”t hear. So he points to his eye, hits his knee, and then makes raking motions. (”I need the rake.”) She replies by pointing to her eye , grabbing her left breast, slaps her ass, then rubs her crotch. The man is confused and runs upstairs.
“What? What was that?”

“Eye, left tit, behind, the bush.”

Women has no sense of humor

My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we are in bed.
I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No.” She answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
“Yes.” She replied.
Then I said, ” I’d like to phone a friend.”

That’s the last thing I remember.

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